White coat. Heels.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
