dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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