Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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