So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
