It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
