i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
