She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
