She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
