Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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