cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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