So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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