You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
