Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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