It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
