hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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