he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
His nipple licking is glorious
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