but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
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Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
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I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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