he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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