you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
