there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
