Duck Duck Cougar?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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