so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
