Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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