Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
