He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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