allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
