I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
