Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
