whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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