I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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