i was born a porn star she said
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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