i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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