i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
