You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
