You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
