Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He better not be in your backpack
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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