I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
