i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
