you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
