I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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