Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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