so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
