Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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