no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i can't believe i had my finger in that
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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