We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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