a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
