Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Still dying that you shit outside
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't want my vagina anymore.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
