I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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