your parents love me but you hate me
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
