That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
