put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
