He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
