What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
