What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
