You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
