Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
