there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
