im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
