Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
now i know why i became what i already was.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
