You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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