Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
