sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
