Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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