i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
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