Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize