How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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