what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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